I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
