google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
