Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
