Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
