I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
