i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
