i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
