It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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