I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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