If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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