I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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