12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
