We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
