Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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