Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
