I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
