god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
