The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
