drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
