He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
