you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
