before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
