You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
