Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
