I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
