and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
