he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
