brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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