I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
