Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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