wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We are all done wearing pants today
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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