mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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