Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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