she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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