Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
