You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
