well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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