His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
