Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He did a backflip because drugs
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
