saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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