Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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