Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
