i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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