One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
