how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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