Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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