I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
