i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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