What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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