do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
