He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
