My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
